Relationship Advice

Across The Pond

woman and man on a bed

After I split from my husband, I met a lovely Englishman at a bar in New York. He ended up staying with me for a week. He was on a cross-country trip which would end in California. We talked almost every day on his cross-country drive, and he eventually asked me to stay with him for a few days in California.

I was feeling adventurous and agreed. We had a lovely time. About four months later he came to visit me in New York and stayed for another week. Four months after that I went to London to stay with him. We had a great time except for the elephant in the room, the distance factor.

After some telephone conversations he said he wanted to ask me if it was serious, but didn't know how. I would like to try this, but I'm afraid of heartbreak, especially because he never tells me how he feels about me. He is a good man, and I'm slowly starting to fall in love.

But I have no idea how he feels about me, and I'm not getting the feedback I need. He has been dumped many times and cheated upon, so I tell myself this is the reason he is so guarded. Is this a recipe for heartache?


Zelda, a lot of research has been done on overconfidence, and it shows that most people are too confident in their judgments. Overconfidence has been found in medical doctors, clinical psychologists, engineers and lawyers. It has also been found in security analysts, though these days that is not news to anyone.

Interestingly, two groups which don't suffer from overconfidence are expert bridge players and weather forecasters. Because both groups receive immediate feedback on their judgments, they tend to know where they stand in relation to the facts.

Because you aren't getting the feedback you need from this man, you have invented positive feedback. You believe he is guarded because he has been hurt by other women. But making up feedback is like driving with your eyes closed.

It's time for that long overdue conversation which may indicate whether you have a weekend relationship, or one which can last a lifetime.

Wayne & Tamara