Relationship Advice

No Girl's Dream

man with one hand on his face

I'll go out on a limb here and see what you have to say. Nothing ventured, nothing lost. My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight years. We share many interests, such as camping, scuba diving, traveling, and just being together.

Although outwardly we are a couple, lately we seem to be drifting apart. We have, in the past, experimented with the swinging lifestyle. From my point of view it was freeing and fun, but at no time did I lose sight of who I was with and why we were there. It came to a sudden end when her insecurities and jealousies surfaced, much to my chagrin.

Here's the problem. Our sex life has gone downhill over the last 8-10 months. My girlfriend has subtly accused me of affairs with other women. She feels I have no sexual desire for her, and at this point in her life, seems to see things that aren't there and feel things without merit.

I am still very much in love with her, but lately it has been impossible to look past her shortcomings. The last week we have been in a quiet period and not talking. What friendly words of advice can you give me, or us, to work through the turmoil? Is this something we should be taking to a counselor?


Ralph, Tamara and I didn't have to teach our golden retriever to fetch, or our Samoyed to den-up before a storm. Similarly, you don't need to teach a terrier to dig or a rottweiler to herd. It's in their nature to do so.

It is not surprising your girlfriend felt insecure and jealous while you had sex with other women. It is perfectly natural. It is not in a woman's nature to desire that lifestyle. Some women go along with it to keep a man, or because of emotional problems, but it is contrary to their nature.

You talk about her shortcomings. Is that a way not to examine your own? For eight years you were together, and the relationship never progressed. You added third parties to spice things up. Your shortcoming was failing to admit you felt she wasn't enough for you.

You two may share some nice memories and common interests, but the relationship failed. Love was replaced with sex and experimentation. Your girlfriend's jealousy and accusations are the result of what you did to satisfy yourself. That's the bottom line. That is what you are not admitting.

You can face it tonight or face it tomorrow, but face it you will. She is on the verge of realizing she tried to get it all from someone who can't give it all to her.